god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
