YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
