my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
