I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
