So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize