I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The Olympian is in my bed
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize