yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
And then he peed in my hair
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