U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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