I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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