I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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