True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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