Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
