This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You've changed since you got that strap on
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
