once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
