I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i think i just lost a toe
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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