you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my phone needs a breathalizer
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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