oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
