is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He felt like a one man threesome
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
