i always forget guys have bellybuttons
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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