And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
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I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
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I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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