we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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