No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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