Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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