Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
