He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
