There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
