why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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