Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
