So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
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He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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