I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize