its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
