Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
