just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
