I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
