I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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