Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
