i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I could make wine with my vomit
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
