____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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