Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
