We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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