Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
