I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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