If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
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So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
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I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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