Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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