if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
