One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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