i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
