You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
