My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize