i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
