D3 body, D1 cock
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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