So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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