We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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