at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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