I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
