please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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