We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
