Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
