I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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