Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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