If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just invented taco cereal.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
