My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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