If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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