I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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