WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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