You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
