He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Farmville is her only friend.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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