Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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