My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
