Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
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The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
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Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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