I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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