Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize