im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
