So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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