just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
