I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I could fuck to npr.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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