So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
