Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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