It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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