You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
