So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize