considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
