She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
