not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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