I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
