I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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